Are We Still Doing Situtionships?
The other day I was on the phone with a friend and he told me about a past "situationship" he was involved in. I asked him, "Are we still doing those?" Zero judgment, but I'm just jumping back into the dating game and I thought we collectively decided to hang those up. Or maybe I did.
I went on to ask what he defined as a situationship. He said it most definitely revolves around having a sexual relationship. That right there is the "situation." I had to disagree. My definition was any "relationship" that hasn't been defined but acts as a relationship. (Whew, that was a mouthful.)
It got me thinking about a TikTok where a woman said, "Please stop saying y'all are in situationships. You're not. You're dating." I had to agree with her, but then I got to thinking about my own dating life and I said, "OH MY GOODNESS. I'm in my own situationship." It checked a lot of boxes. But then I started to do some research to really get down to what is a situationship and how we get here.
No Labels Territory
The first one we all know: there are no labels. We absolutely are not DTR (defining the relationship). This could go a multitude of ways where you and your partner consent to setting boundaries around this. Maybe you both give it a timeline say in three months you can revisit the conversation. This sets you up for room to progress as well as continuing an open line of communication.
I also realized while watching TikToks and reading stories online about situationships that there's also a dark side, which is manipulation. Maybe you're dead set on being in a relationship, but the other person convinces you that's not what you want in order to get you to change your mind. This is not okay. It's fine for us to change our minds, but if you know what you've wanted and are being manipulated to change that, walk away.
The Friends and Family Factor
The second one, and this could be a bit controversial, but there's no meeting of the friends and family. I'll give you a peek into my situationship: I have met his friends and he's met two of mine. (I have a lot of friends, lol.) But it took us a minute to get there. For a while, he definitely made it seem as if this was a big step. Meeting my friends is definitely a privilege hell, I have exes who still want to hang out with my friends because they're so great, but it's not the end all be all for me, and situationships come and go. I'm going to leave this here and say if you want the no m to meet your friends or they want you to meet theirs, go have fun.
Setting Sexual Boundaries
Third, and this goes hand in hand with what my friend said: What is the sexual relationship? Those are the boundaries you want to define before you even lay in the bed together. Are you having sex with other people? Only each other? Are we keeping it PG-13? Or nothing at all? All of these are valid questions and only ones you and your partner can answer. My best advice here is OVER COMMUNICATE! If you say one thing and change your mind, tell them. Especially when it comes to any type of sexual relationship, we always want to feel safe and heard.
Make It Your Own
Lastly, and I'm saying this with my whole chest: make your situationship whatever the hell you want it to be. We're trying new things, we're setting our boundaries, and we're having fun while doing it. So while I just read y'all down on your situationships, let me go handle mine. lol.